Ehemm. Bismillah. It's been long though, hemm since i wrote like this. At this point, i dont really want to talk about Asasi life has ended,; yes it's true. Ended.
But the point is now. Currently, aku ada banyak sangat benda nak bagitahu org lain. Hairni aku terfikir satu benda, I think I should tweet it but then I halt half way. Dan benda ni berlaku since the past few days since Asasi ended. And, i feel it's going to be the same for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after that.
Why is is like this? Aku ni tiada kawankah? Tiada couragekah? Hanya Allah lebih mengetahui. Just like this, I'm back with my old life. Bersendirian, tiada kemajuan, flat routine, nothing yang best would come to me. Okay maybe life ni mmang satu perjalanan, but then, life mengajar aku utk kekal begini.
Why? I dont know either. Bila dengan kawan, aku 360 darjah different from when I'm at home. My teacher once said, ada dua benda yang diri kita sentiasa ada. Diri Sendiri & Personaliti. Their meanings are literally of what you think. Diri sendiri is who you really are, and personality is who are you to be with people. Maksudnya, personaliti itu adalah sesuatu yg berubah ubah, boleh advance, dan boleh juga collapse.
What I'm saying is, what is my real self? Mulut aku holds gold bila dekat rumah and release burpps bila bersama rakan2. (Well my burpps is easy to be release you know..). So, siapakah aku sebenar? Yang mana satukah diri sendiri, yang manakah personaliti.
Mungkin confusion ni terjadi sebab I spend less time with my family. Yes since small. But then, why am I not knowing it either. Because living myself for 19years is not a small thing you know?
And the conflicts remain silent...